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kevin_usa
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Posted: Sun Feb 25th, 2007 08:20 pm |
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Well, Jena and I thought all was going well with our fiance visa process until today. When I was in phi with her at her parents house we got her parents permission for her to come here and marry me. I was told by a service that helps with visas that she might need a letter from her parents stating that they give her permission to come to the states and marry me. Now for some reason they have changed their minds and want us to be married in the Phillippines.
We have already started the visa process and I don't know what we're going to do now. She says she will come before we are married without their permission if our governments will allow it, and marry me here as we have planned. She will be 23 in June and I am 43. We aren't sure if the phils will require a letter from her parents or not. I was also wondering if we could marry there when I go to pick her up after she gets the fiance visa. We are just hoping that we won't have to start the process all over again.
We are both very upset about the current situation.
Kevin
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maven
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Posted: Sun Feb 25th, 2007 09:19 pm |
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the way i understand it from other friends, getting married in the philippines is the last thing you'd want to do. she'll be stuck here waiting for her proper papers for sometime before she can finally join you in the US.
Last edited on Sun Feb 25th, 2007 09:20 pm by maven
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kevin_usa
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Posted: Sun Feb 25th, 2007 09:30 pm |
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| Yes, that is what we hear also. I tried to explain that to her parents when i was there but they have been talking to other people there about it. I don't know what they are thinking or what their motives are. Jena and I have told her parents that we will be sending a little money to them each month after she comes here but he didn't really believe it. Maybe they are worried we won't get married after she comes here, I don't know. Obviously we would marry as soon as possible when she gets here and we are required to by law within 90 days.
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lumbia
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Posted: Sun Feb 25th, 2007 10:23 pm |
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kevin_usa wrote: Yes, that is what we hear also. I tried to explain that to her parents when i was there but they have been talking to other people there about it. I don't know what they are thinking or what their motives are. Jena and I have told her parents that we will be sending a little money to them each month after she comes here but he didn't really believe it. Maybe they are worried we won't get married after she comes here, I don't know. Obviously we would marry as soon as possible when she gets here and we are required to by law within 90 days.
If you already made the paperworks for fiance visa it will really complicate matters to marry in the Phils. In fact there's certain number of days (at least 20 days, I think!))required from filing of the necessary papers in the city/municpal hall before you can actually get married in the Phils plus some seminars (health, parenting) that you both must attend, even if it's a civil wedding. Maybe there are additional requirements when it's in the roman catholic church.
I also understand the feeling of insecurity of Jena's parents. Another thing, Filipino parents want to see their daughter walk down the aisle. Well, every parent loves that, generally. Anyway, below are my personal suggestions:
1. If the fiance visa is approved, go get married in the US and you can have another ceremony in the Phils later where the parents and relatives get to enjoy. Take note, there's no more signing of legal papers here, that is, if you plan to come back to the Phils and have some ceremony for the parents' satisfaction and relatives' enjoyment--- got to march with flower girls and all those entourage thing that Filipinos are fond of.
2. Some of my friends had their "betrothal" ceremony in the Phils, no legal papers, no pronouncing as husband and wife, but it's really like a marriage ceremony: cake, gifts, ring (engagement) ceremony, marching down the aisle, etc. but the couple soon left for the US and had their wedding in the US. Somehow this ceremony gave a feeling of security/joy to the parents, per my observation. You need somebody who can "officiate" the ceremony.
3. Whatever you think is best for you, where you both can be happy, go for it! I'm certain Jena's parents will eventually get over what they're feeling right now especially if you continue to show love and respect to them.
Whehttp://www....sorry for my mile-long suggestions.
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kevin_usa
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Posted: Sun Feb 25th, 2007 10:31 pm |
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Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. I'm sure we will get over this little problem. I think Jena and explain it to them so that they understand. I would love to marry her in phils if not for the visa problems. I would be very willing to have a ceremony there for her family but I am thinking they want it to be a legal thing because her mom told Jena she could use a judge to marry us.
Someone has put it in their heads that she needs to be legally married before she comes here. I think they just don't understand the process for entry into the USA. I know one of her relatives was married in Phils first and came her as his wife. The main problem is that they already agreed to the fiance process so we filed the papers that way. Then they changed their minds but its too late to change.
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Carabao Kevin
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Posted: Mon Feb 26th, 2007 07:03 am |
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lumbia wrote: kevin_usa wrote: Yes, that is what we hear also. I tried to explain that to her parents when i was there but they have been talking to other people there about it. I don't know what they are thinking or what their motives are. Jena and I have told her parents that we will be sending a little money to them each month after she comes here but he didn't really believe it. Maybe they are worried we won't get married after she comes here, I don't know. Obviously we would marry as soon as possible when she gets here and we are required to by law within 90 days.
If you already made the paperworks for fiance visa it will really complicate matters to marry in the Phils. In fact there's certain number of days (at least 20 days, I think!))required from filing of the necessary papers in the city/municpal hall before you can actually get married in the Phils plus some seminars (health, parenting) that you both must attend, even if it's a civil wedding. Maybe there are additional requirements when it's in the roman catholic church.
I also understand the feeling of insecurity of Jena's parents. Another thing, Filipino parents want to see their daughter walk down the aisle. Well, every parent loves that, generally. Anyway, below are my personal suggestions:
2. Some of my friends had their "betrothal" ceremony in the Phils, no legal papers, no pronouncing as husband and wife, but it's really like a marriage ceremony: cake, gifts, ring (engagement) ceremony, marching down the aisle, etc. but the couple soon left for the US and had their wedding in the US. Somehow this ceremony gave a feeling of security/joy to the parents, per my observation. You need somebody who can "officiate" the ceremony.
Hi Kevin,
I've been down that road   
We did the #2 suggestion. Everyone was happy, and then we had the "legal wedding" here.
The other fear (as you mentioned) that some parents and family have is, that their daughter will be taken to America and then NEVER married, she only returns broke-hearted and with a marked reputation.
I have found, for some crazy reason, there will be someone in the family that will listen to every whisper in the province, and will add to the fears of the parents.  The stories that were told about my wife and I.......I think some of them were smoking balut, not eating it .
Anyway, if she is 23, it will be pretty hard for her parents to stop her, but keep in mind, I would bet the Carabao and the Rice Field that she won't go against their wishes. You gotta work it out, you have many years of happiness, or not-so-happiness ahead of you. Make her happy, make her parents happy (within reason).
Wish you the best!
-Mabuhay-
-Kevin
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kevin_usa
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 04:00 pm |
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Well, Jena talked to her mother again about our situation. First of all, it's her mother, not her father that refused to write a letter on our behalf.
The reasons she has given are as follows not in the order of importance.
1.) Jena was the one that asked them to write the letter. She wants me to be the one to ask. I understand that, but the only reason Jena asked instead of me was that its difficult to get a letter to her parents. They are living on two different islands right now. I will be writing a letter to both parents after I figure out the exact things that the letter needs to say.
2.) There is no divorce in Phils. Her mom wants her to be legally married there for that reason. I explained to Jena, and she understands, divorce is never an option with me unless she is unfaithful to me and refuses to return after leaving me. (like my first wife, i was left no choice)
3.) Her mom doesn't want Jena to end up like two of her brothers. They both have children and are not married.
It sounds like all will be fine and we are feeling much better now. We will have a ceremony for the family when I go to pick her up if all goes well with the visa process.
Thanks for the input,
Kevin
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Carabao Kevin
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Posted: Tue Feb 27th, 2007 05:31 pm |
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kevin_usa wrote: Well, Jena talked to her mother again about our situation. First of all, it's her mother, not her father that refused to write a letter on our behalf.
The reasons she has given are as follows not in the order of importance.
2.) There is no divorce in Phils. Her mom wants her to be legally married there for that reason. I explained to Jena, and she understands, divorce is never an option with me unless she is unfaithful to me and refuses to return after leaving me. (like my first wife, i was left no choice)
Thanks for the input,
Kevin
The "NO DIVORCE" only applies to Filipinos. No matter where you marry, she could still later be divorced. To help comfort the family, you can let them know this:
Jena can file with the Filipino Consulate in Chicago a copy of the marriage, there is a $50-$75 fee involved. The Philippine Government will (or so they say) register her as married, therefore she will not be allowed to divorce.
Consulate link:
http://www.chicagopcg.com/
Dealing with those jokers in the Consulate, now thats a new ride.....we could not get them to understand that we DO NOT live in Chicago. The guy working there assumed everyone lives in Chicago, but the Consulate office covers the whole Midwest section of the US. My wife finally WROTE our address down on an envelope and asked them to mail it to us, of course , for $15 more!  Good luck asking them questions on the phone or sending them an email. I have had better luck talking to the old tree stump out back than those clowns. Just take money and show it to them. Jena will have to talk, they would ignore me when I was there, they wanted to speak with Filipinos ONLY! The good news is that it is easy to find, and easy parking.
-Mabuhay-
-Kevin
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Paul
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Posted: Wed Feb 28th, 2007 05:04 am |
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So a Filipina's family doesn't have the right to see their daughter married?
Personally, I feel like this:
If a man is going to marry a Filpina and take her away from her family, the parents certainly should have the right to see her married off, prior to her leaving for destination unknown.
Yes, I am taking in consideration the problems and issues that may arrise due to the visa already having been filed. Personally, I would suggest contacting Ray Bacon and ask his input on this. He is clearly well known in the Visa Processing World.
Yes, I am also taking into consideration the fear of either parent, in not seeing his/her daughter married. They may be blind to your intentions, and perhaps they need to be explained a bit more, by her.
But, the most important statement I have to make is this: I have to question a Filipina's reasons for going against her parents (either) to marry a man whom she really doesn't know, as she has only known him for a short while, in comparison to the 23 years she has been with her family. She isn't a western girl, where she just moves out on her own at 16 years old. Family here is much closer than ours are in the west, and should remain that way.
Think about it before continuing with this entire matter.
HTH
Paul
Last edited on Wed Feb 28th, 2007 05:06 am by Paul
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sanjuanboy
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Posted: Wed Feb 28th, 2007 05:18 pm |
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Paul wrote: So a Filipina's family doesn't have the right to see their daughter married?
Personally, I feel like this:
If a man is going to marry a Filpina and take her away from her family, the parents certainly should have the right to see her married off, prior to her leaving for destination unknown.
Yes, I am taking in consideration the problems and issues that may arrise due to the visa already having been filed. Personally, I would suggest contacting Ray Bacon and ask his input on this. He is clearly well known in the Visa Processing World.
Yes, I am also taking into consideration the fear of either parent, in not seeing his/her daughter married. They may be blind to your intentions, and perhaps they need to be explained a bit more, by her.
But, the most important statement I have to make is this: I have to question a Filipina's reasons for going against her parents (either) to marry a man whom she really doesn't know, as she has only known him for a short while, in comparison to the 23 years she has been with her family. She isn't a western girl, where she just moves out on her own at 16 years old. Family here is much closer than ours are in the west, and should remain that way.
Think about it before continuing with this entire matter.
HTH
Paul
I can't agree with you more, Paul. Great post.
My 2 cents: if you're unsure about the ulterior motives (if there is one) of your fiancee or fiancee's parents behind marrying in the Philippines instead of marrying in a foreign country, I think you shouldn't even marry her in the first place.
People from the West always think negatively about third world countries. They think that ALL people in the third world is going to rip them off. So sad.
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Carabao Kevin
Super Moderator
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Posted: Wed Feb 28th, 2007 05:54 pm |
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sanjuanboy wrote: Paul wrote: So a Filipina's family doesn't have the right to see their daughter married?
Personally, I feel like this:
If a man is going to marry a Filpina and take her away from her family, the parents certainly should have the right to see her married off, prior to her leaving for destination unknown.
Yes, I am taking in consideration the problems and issues that may arrise due to the visa already having been filed. Personally, I would suggest contacting Ray Bacon and ask his input on this. He is clearly well known in the Visa Processing World.
Yes, I am also taking into consideration the fear of either parent, in not seeing his/her daughter married. They may be blind to your intentions, and perhaps they need to be explained a bit more, by her.
But, the most important statement I have to make is this: I have to question a Filipina's reasons for going against her parents (either) to marry a man whom she really doesn't know, as she has only known him for a short while, in comparison to the 23 years she has been with her family. She isn't a western girl, where she just moves out on her own at 16 years old. Family here is much closer than ours are in the west, and should remain that way.
Think about it before continuing with this entire matter.
HTH
Paul
I can't agree with you more, Paul. Great post.
My 2 cents: if you're unsure about the ulterior motives (if there is one) of your fiancee or fiancee's parents behind marrying in the Philippines instead of marrying in a foreign country, I think you shouldn't even marry her in the first place.
People from the West always think negatively about third world countries. They think that ALL people in the third world is going to rip them off. So sad.
"People from the West always think negatively about third world countries. They think that ALL people in the third world is going to rip them off. So sad."
Lets not say "people from the West ALWAYS"...It should be "some people from the West sometimes think"
I agree with the rest of the posts, & I assume this is what we were all saying when this was posted:
"2. Some of my friends had their "betrothal" ceremony in the Phils, no legal papers, no pronouncing as husband and wife, but it's really like a marriage ceremony: cake, gifts, ring (engagement) ceremony, marching down the aisle, etc. but the couple soon left for the US and had their wedding in the US. Somehow this ceremony gave a feeling of security/joy to the parents, per my observation. You need somebody who can "officiate" the ceremony."
And you can always have a 5 year or 10 year re-newal wedding there in the Philippines. Something that is somewhat common, that way you blend BOTH cultures. As it should be. I strongly agree, the parents SHOULD see a ceremony before their daughter leaves her homeland with a "stranger" and not be able to return for at least 2 years.
I think the concern Kevin has is the 1st petition has already be filed, that was the original plan, to change course is very shakey with INS here in the States. Also, he would have to start all over, go back and marry First, then come back, file papers, then wait 2 years for EVERYTHING to finalize with the US government. It didn't sound as if Kevin had questions of suspicion for his new, soon to be inlaws. But to marry, then change petitions, they (INS) could think something "fishy" is up and deny the Spousal petition, this would end with a wife in the PHILIPPINES that he can't be with, unless he moves there. I understand his concerns.
-Mabuhay-
-Kevin
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kevin_usa
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Posted: Wed Feb 28th, 2007 06:34 pm |
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Thanks Kevin, at least some of us can comprehend what we are reading......
Paul, what are you talking about?
Didn't you see where I said
"I would love to marry her in phils if not for the visa problems. I would be very willing to have a ceremony there for her family but I am thinking they want it to be a legal thing because her mom told Jena she could use a judge to marry us."
sanjuanboy, your post doesn't even deserve a response.....
As it stands now we will have a ceremony in phils of some sort when I go to pick her up. That was the plan all along although it was going to be some sort of engagement party for her family.
As far as this board goes, thanks to all the people that have tried to be helpfull, I guess i'm a little too thin skinned for some of you though. I'm going to look elsewhere from now on. Just a little advice, some of you should read more carefully.
Good luck and take care,
Kevin
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lumbia
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Posted: Wed Feb 28th, 2007 10:20 pm |
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kevin_usa wrote: Thanks Kevin, at least some of us can comprehend what we are reading......
Paul, what are you talking about?
Didn't you see where I said
"I would love to marry her in phils if not for the visa problems. I would be very willing to have a ceremony there for her family but I am thinking they want it to be a legal thing because her mom told Jena she could use a judge to marry us."
As it stands now we will have a ceremony in phils of some sort when I go to pick her up. That was the plan all along although it was going to be some sort of engagement party for her family.
As far as this board goes, thanks to all the people that have tried to be helpfull, I guess i'm a little too thin skinned for some of you though. I'm going to look elsewhere from now on. Just a little advice, some of you should read more carefully.
Good luck and take care,
Kevin
To both Kevins: It's obvious that one didn't read topic there remarks could be off tangent. Somehow it's kind of hilarious to me because one could just bolt out of the blues and could lead to incoherence. Anyway, it happens to me sometimes. It's good you two clarified the matters. Hope all's well end's well...Please keep us posted on your adventures if it's OK with you, Kevin_USA. Am very excited for you and Jena. Wishing you the best.
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